Everyone Loves Group Therapy!
by BewilderedLoca
Summary: Takes place right after Zutara4lyfe's 'No Funny Business'. Naraku decides an attempt at group therapy to get his group to get their acts together after a chaotic meeting. Poor guy should've stick with the ropes.


**BewilderedLoca**

Disclaimer; I don't own any InuYasha characters. Just this small idea that came to me right after reading, Zutara4lyfe's 'No Funny Business' and the fact I started it weeks before just gave me the motivation to do it. I hope you all enjoy while I'm stuck with my SAT's x__X

It was a late autumn afternoon until Naraku came back from a small voyage that lasted for three hours and frowned at the living condition of his house. He heard roaring laughter and Kagura's vulgar language, which led him to believe that everyone was still in the premises. Good, he thought. They would in attendance to welcome his new strategy, to hopefully loosen the edges of his 'army'.

He walked into the kitchen where everyone, was seemingly gathered and the volume decreased once he stepped aside. "You monsters destroy my castle again." He said, keeping a stern tone, showing everyone who was dominant in the household.

"Yes well, the wall leaks…" Hiten sighed. "Not considered some good reinforcement there, monkey man."

Naraku twitched but managed to keep his nerves in check. "Yeah, and there's hardly any food here." Bankotsu barked while Naraku looked up at him and sighed, "You can always hunt."

"But who wants to do that all of the time?" Bankotsu asked while Naraku rolled his eyes and ignored them.

"All right men." He paused when Kagura and Abi glared at him briefly before scoffing, "and women."

"Go figure." Abi scoffed, crossing her arms.

"Due to yesterday's incident in the halls and in my courtyard." Naraku glared at both ladies as he informed them his charges for the day. "Your behavior is unacceptable and is demeaning in the least to my name."

"Well, you're the one who hired _us_." Jakotsu added while Hakudoshi scowled, "Exactly. We couldn't go the blood raving demons in the Makai Mountains, but does he listen? Noooo."

"And sadly to say, in order for anything to happen or to occur, we NEED to cooperate in order to defeat InuYasha and his allies." Naraku said.

"Hey, tell that to Miss Psychotic Bird Priss here." Hiten said and pointed at Abi.

"Hey, you got on my nerves!" she snapped.

"A simple 'please move' or 'excuse me', would've sufficed." Hiten scoffed.

"Whatever! I don't need their help to get back at InuYasha!" Abi snapped, slamming her hand on the table.

"Yeah!" Bankotsu stood up.

Hiten rolled his eyes and pulled him down, "Get back down here."

"Hey!" Bankotsu glared while Hiten sighed, already tired of most of the people in the household.

"For once, if you think about it, Monkey Man's right." He started off, "I mean, when we came at him or his dork squad, he killed and over powered all of us. One by one. So whether we accept it or not, we do actually have to … work together." He grumbled that last few words.

"Aww, did Hiten have a hard time squeezing those words out?" Jakotsu grinned and pinched his cheek, "Aww."

Hiten growled and swatted his hands away, "GET OFF!"

"Back to square one." Abi rolled her eyes and Hiten growled.

"Listen!" Naraku snapped, "Like it or not, you're both apart of this team! And if I have to learn how to put up with all you, oh so God help me, You have too to!"

"Fine!" Abi scoffed.

"Good enough." Naraku sighed before taking his seat, at the head of the table.

"Bankotsu, get your hands out of there, right now." Kagura snarled, swatting his fingers away from her backside.

"Aww c'mon babe." Bankotsu pouted. "I behaved last night."

"Ooh, did something happen last night?" Hiten smirked.

"YES!/NO!" Both Bankotsu and Kagura boldly stated.

"Would you two stop?" Naraku covered his face, "You two can have as much fornication you want after this assembly."

Bankotsu grinned and Kagura glared, "Touch me and I'll rip your arm off."

"Wait until after the meeting babe." Bankotsu winked while she pinched the spot between her eyes.

"Are we done?" Naraku asked while Bankotsu obediently nodded, "Good. Now, we are going to try some team building exercises."

"What? Why?" Hiten looked at him. "That's just a waste of time!"

"For once, I couldn't agree with him more." Kagura added, "Why would I waste time working on my people skills while you have me killing them off?!"

"Look, I know it's crazy, stupid and pathetic! But you idiots need to get your act together and put you petty issues aside if we are ever able to defeat InuYasha! And right now, I'm more than willing to try or do anything to accomplish this goal! So by all means shut up and do what I say so this can actually work out and actually get rid of the half breed!" his voice boomed at the end of his speech and had surprisingly got the entire room to be quiet. He sighed and collected himself together before speaking in a calmer tone. "Now how about we start, by thinking and coming up with something POSITIVE about a team member in this group."

Hiten looked up at him, "You got to be kidding me."

"Shut up and think up of something nice." He snapped while everyone thought about some 'positive comments'. "Times up, who wants to go first?"

"Oooh! Ooh! Me!" Bankotsu raised his hand. "Pick me! Pick me!"

"Great." Naraku groaned, "Fine Bankotsu. Let's get yours over and done with."

"My comment is for my dear sweet Kagura." Bankotsu started.

"Oh dear god." Kagura groaned.

"I think she is very gorgeous and should really put out a lot faster, instead of having me wait for it." He blinked innocently.

"I don't believe this." Kagura mumbled. "I do not believe this."

"Well mines is to Hiten." Jakotsu sighed and stared at him in a daze, "You're hot."

"Ewwww." Hiten shuddered. "You're making me lose my thought."

"You have one?" Kagura teased while he flipped her off. "Well, I guess mines for Abi. She sure knows how to shut up ONE idiot."

Hiten glared while Abi smiled, "Thank you."

Naraku started to feel hope in his group. "Hiten?"

"Yeah, Abi has some nice set of knockers." Hiten smirked while Abi glared at him. Naraku sighed, "Suikotsu?"

Suikotsu was staring into space the entire time until he finally looked over and saw all eyes on him. "What's wrong?"

"Say something positive about the group." Kagura informed him.

"Oh…" Suikotsu paused and thought about it a little. "I like Kagura's hair."

"I'm starting to feel my sanity reach its end." Kagura grumbled while Bankotsu pulled her on his lap, "Don't leave without me babe!" he winked while she slapped him and went back to her seat.

Renkotsu came in after watching from the doorway and sat in a seat. "Oh thank god, you must have something good."

"Yeah, mines for Abi." He started. "She makes me feel I'm not the only one who still has SOME sense in this house."

"Ouch?" Bankotsu pouted while Renkotsu drank his sake. "Ooh can I has some?"

"No." Renkotsu told him blankly while Bankotsu huffed and pointed, "I have another one for Abi."

"If it's the boobs, I swear to god, I will kill you." Abi looked up while Bankotsu shook his head.

"She actually shares her stuff!" Bankotsu quipped, "Unlike SOME people."

"Hey I love my dumplings." Hiten stated.

"No one touches my pomegranates." Kagura looked aside.

"Same but for my sake." Renkotsu said briefly before drinking again.

"You guys are mean!" Bankotsu whined.

"You guys are getting on my nerves." Naraku groaned, holding his head. "Hakudoshi?"

"I would like to say that Jakotsu is weird but even he is more less psychotic than Kagura." He admitted, shrugging.

"WHAT!?!" she screamed while Naraku covered his ears.

"No no no no! Don't do anything!" he told her while Jakotsu clapped and pulled Hakudoshi close.

"You're so nice." Jakotsu said.

"And if you don't let go, I'll slice you." He grumbled and Jakotsu put him back down.

Byakuya then walked in, after hearing everyone go at it. "Isn't this a little heartwarming meeting?"

Hiten rolled his eyes and Bankotsu whisked him away, "Go away, Kagura copycat."

"Yeah, one of you is enough." Hiten remarked while Kagura kicked him under the table. "OWW!"

Byakuya scoffed and sat down, "So, what's the objective?"

"Say something constructive." Hakudoshi answered, being quick and brief.

"Ah." Byakuya nodded. "Guess I could say Kagura had control over her temper… but that's an obvious lie."

Kagura growled and lunged at him, "DIE!" she shrieked as Byakuya yelped when she had him in a headlock.

"Two sake bottles say she beat his ass!" Bankotsu wagered.

"You're on!" Suikotsu spoke up.

"C'mon babe! Kick his ass!" Bankotsu shouted.

"Byakuya, stop covering your face and snap out of it!" Suikotsu hollered.

"NO NO NO, STOP IT STOP IT!" Naraku yelled as he pulled them apart. "NO MORE FIGHTING!"

"Aww c'mon, Monkey man." Hiten groaned, "The fight was getting pretty interesting."

"Well my baby girl would've kicked his ass anyway!" Bankotsu stuck his tongue out as Kagura sat back down, feeling more better than before and fixed her top and hair. "You were so good."

"Bankotsu, touch me and youre next." She glared while he pulled back.

"Alright, remember the point today and the idea of THIS, is how to work together and NOT kill each other!" Naraku growled. "Now let's move on!"

"There's more?" Hiten whined.

"Yes now shut up. Today, we are going to get something accomplished today. One way or another."

"Might wanna use ropes instead." Byakuya grumbled, rubbing his bruise.

"Now here is a ball." Naraku mentioned, ignoring his spawn and held up a red ball.

"Wow," Abi said sarcastically, "Imagine that."

"Cram it smart mouth." Naraku snapped. "Now everyone get up and get in a circle."

They all grumbled and still stood seated.

"I said, everyone get up and get in a circle!" He ordered again.

They still sat there.

"GET UP AND GET IN A GODDAMN CIRCLE!" Naraku shouted and they all obeyed. "Now we are going to toss the ball around. Everyone gets a turn."

"Why?" Hiten whined again.

"Because it'll help, now shut the hell up." Naraku groaned. "You must say the name of the person you are tossing it too."

"Ooh can I start?" Jakotsu raised his hand, "I like balls."

"We know that Jakotsu." Renkotsu groaned and covered his face as Jakotsu grinned and held the ball in his hands.

"Hottie." He tossed it to Hiten.

Hiten sighed and tossed it to Abi, "Knockers."

She glared, "Asshole." She remarked, tossing it back at him.

"Bitch." He scoffed and tossed it to her again.

"Bankotsu?" Bankotsu said with a pout and Abi sighed. She tossed it to him.

"Wife." He tossed it to Kagura.

"Widow." She tossed it back at him.

"Baby Girl." He said, tossing it back at her.

"Faggot." She tossed it to Byakuya.

"Flamer." He tossed it to Renkotsu.

"Drinking buddy." He sighed and gave it to Suikotsu.

"Boy." He tossed it to Hakudoshi.

"Idiot." Hakudoshi tossed it back.

Naraku sighed and reached out for the ball. "You all are doing it wrong. Suikotsu throw it back."

"You sure?" Suikotsu asked.

"Yes now." He said before Suikotsu threw it and it hit him in the face. "Why would you hit me in the face!?" he snarled.

"You said throw it." Suikotsu shrugged.

"Alright, how about this exercise." He groaned and took out a blindfold. "Bankotsu come over here."

"Why?" Bankotsu whined while Naraku dragged him over and tied the blindfold on him.

"What is this? Pin the tail on poor ol' me?" Bankotsu asked.

"Quiet or it'll be, Stitch Bankotsu's Mouth Shut." Naraku snapped.

"Ooh, I wanna play that game!" Kagura cheered.

"Shut up." Naraku glared. "Now, the idea here is to help and navigate Bankotsu around the room. Everyone has to call out and help him around the obstacles."

"What obstacles?" Hiten asked before he saw Naraku put chairs and moved the furniture around the room.

"I don't think I'll like this game." Bankotsu frowned and reached for the blindfold.

Kagura stopped him and held his hands, "You know… you have no idea how much of turn on it is to see you tied up and blinded." She neared his face and whispered in his ear.

Once she pulled away, Bankotsu grinned and left the blindfold on. "Okay, you can start now." Naraku started.

"Start where?" Bankotsu asked.

"Go left and walks four steps." Hiten told him as Bankotsu did so and walked straight into a wall. "OWW!"

"Hey, I like this game." Hiten smirked.

"Can someone besides Hiten direct me? That hurt." Bankotsu whined.

"Alright. Turn around and walk six paces to your right. Good… now walk two more steps to left…. That's good. Now walk two steps ahead…"

"OWW!" Bankotsu tripped over a chair and landed in his face.

"We should play this game often!" Hakudoshi grinned. "I'm actually starting to feel the team spirit."

"Well, I'm not." Bankotsu sat up and took his blindfold. "I'm not gonna play this stupid game anymore!"

"Fine." Naraku sighed. "One more last exercise."

"Thank god." Hiten sighed in relief.

"Bankotsu stand on the table." Naraku instructed him.

"But you said not to do that anymore." Bankotsu scratched his head.

"Well, today's an exception now go up there." Naraku scowled and Bankotsu eventually got up there. "Now what?"

"Turn around." Naraku suggested. "Now for this LAST exercise, it is to show how much you have trust in team mates. Now Bankotsu fall back and the others will catch you."

"What do you mean fall?" Bankotsu looked over his shoulder, "Like on purpose purpose?"

"Yes Bankotsu." Naraku answered him while he gulped.

"But I don't wanna hit my head again!" he whined.

"We're not going to let you fall!" Naraku reassured him while Hiten and Hakudoshi laughed, "You two quiet down! Fall down!"

"You're gonna let me fall!" Bankotsu shook his head, "You let them do it to me before!"

"No, Bankotsu. We WILL catch you."

"Besides if you do fall, it won't do anything because you have nothing in your head to begin with." Byakuya chuckled while Naraku glared.

"You're not helping!" Naraku snapped. "Bankotsu fall off."

"No!" He whined. "You're gonna drop me!"

"We will not," Naraku told him.

"Yes you will!"

"No we won't."

"Yes you will!"

"No we won't!"

"Yes you will!"

"No we won't now shut up and fall!"

"No!"

"Just do it!"

"No! You'll drop me!"

"We won't drop you!"

"Yes you will. You'll let me fall! I know it!"

"We're not gonna let you fall and hurt yourself!" Naraku snapped. "Right guys?"

"Maybe," Abi snickered.

"I knew you were guys were gonna let me die." Bankotsu whined.

"Oh for fuck sakes," Hiten rolled his eyes and got up on the table, "I'll do it." Hiten then shoved him off and he landed right on Abi and Kagura.

"Hey, you caught me!" Bankotsu grinned and laid there. "So comfortable here for some reason." Abi growled and pushed him off. Kagura did the same. "They soooo love me."

"Alright Hiten. Being you're up there, show everyone else how's it's done." Naraku told him.

Hiten looked down and gulped. "Wow… it's pretty high up here."

"He's gonna chicken out." Byakuya looked down at his nails.

"I AM NOT!" Hiten growled. "I just need a minute is all."

"Why do you need a minute for?" Renkotsu asked.

"Renkotsu shut your trap." Hiten snarled.

"Yeah, just fall off." Bankotsu smirked.

"We'll be here to catch you." Abi laughed.

"Just… just a few more minutes." Hiten told them.

"Not that easy now huh?" Bankotsu grinned. "Come and do it if you're so tough."

"I will!" Hiten snapped. "I just need a moment."

"Times a wastin!" Kagura snapped her fingers.

"Will you give me a fucking minute?" Hiten glared.

"Want me to push him off?" Hakudoshi suggested.

"Don't you dare!" Hiten growled as Hakudoshi ignored him.

"Told you he was a chicken." Byakuya sighed.

"I'M NOT CHICKENING OUT!" Hiten stepped down and glared at everyone, "I just don't want a concussion from you losers!"

"Will somebody just GO up there and FALL off?" Naraku groaned, feeling his patience breeching to its end.

"Well, I'm not gonna do it if he's down here." Abi snapped.

"I'm wasn't gonna do it because YOU'RE down here." Hiten snapped back.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Naraku got up and stood on the table. "I"LL DO IT! Watch me and look how SIMPLE it REALLY is!"

He did so and landed flat on his back. Everyone gathered around and stared.

"I thought you were gonna catch him." Jakotsu nudged Kagura.

"Why me?" she shoved back as everyone else pointed a finger and argued with each other.

Naraku groaned and stood laid there in floor. He closed his eyes and kept to himself, hoping they forget he was there. "I should've went with the ropes."


End file.
